Self-Taught

Scott is potty-trained now. At least in the sense that we don't do poopy diapers anymore. Which is probably the best part anyway. On the other hand, I feel a bit like in reality I'm the one who got trained. He doesn't go to the bathroom of his own volition, so I am trained to remind him periodically lest I have to clean up a mess. When I don't trust my ability to remind, we put on a pull-up (and usually end up with it wet). But hey, at least it's progress, right? For the first couple weeks he was even staying dry during naps AND at night, but I guess that was too good to last. Hopefully it's a "two steps forward one step back" kinda thing.

So when Scott does go, he performs this elaborate ritual where he climbs onto the toilet seat and then precariously balances on the seat as he circles the rim to get into position. He reminds me of a dog circling before bedding down. And you don't teach little boys to do things standing up when they're first starting out, right? But I've been wondering when you do teach them that, because he can't really climb up like that with his pants and shoes still on and I'm not exactly thrilled when I have to take them off in public restrooms.

Well, I think my question may be pointless now. Yesterday Scott started his ritual like normal, but stopped still facing the tank. After a contemplative pause, he peed still perched on the seat and facing backwards. Afterward he turned to me and excitedly announced, "I did it backwards!" There have been a few repeat performances and I'm thinking it's only a matter of time before he realizes even the climbing up there part is unnecessary and graduates to full-fledged peeing standing up. Well, at least that's one lesson I don't have to agonize over when to teach it. Never having had brothers, this little boy thing is such an adventure...

Butterfinger

I caught Scott in the act at last. Red-handed. Or should I say grease-fingered?

I thought the markings in my butter looked suspicious. They were in fact finger marks. I came into the kitchen without him hearing me and finally witnessed him scrape his finger through the butter and take a snitch.

So maybe this is how he can survive without ever actually eating any dinner. Or often lunch for that matter. Almost every night I serve him about 1 tablespoon of dinner and he cries and says, "No, it's so gross to me!" Then he cries and shoves his food away from him. And then he cries when we won't give him anything else until he at least tries the perfectly good food served him. Then he cries some more. Then dinner is over. I keep thinking he's bound to cave eventually and actually eat the apparently atrocious spaghetti or the like that I serve him. I mean, if he gets hungry enough... But now I know his secret. He's compensating by sneaking butter behind my back.

All right Scott, bring it. I'll stop forgetting to put the lid back on my butter dish and then we'll see how you like those "gross" hot dogs.

You Know You're a Geek When...

...you own one of Peter Parker's physics textbooks from Spiderman 2.

Remember the part where Peter has given up being Spiderman and he's really applying himself to his studies in physics? The first time I watched that film, I immediately recognized one of the textbooks on the table in front of him as one I own from my college days, Fundamentals of Photonics. When a movie tries to portray a character as a total geek immersed in their studies and of all the textbooks out there, they choose one you have sitting on your bookshelf? Yah, every time I see it I feel a little less cool...
Maybe a little smarter, but definitely less cool.

[Insert Name Here]'s Law

Once upon a time about ten years ago, I knew this guy. He was a friend of a good friend I was almost kinda dating. He coined the following phrase:

The only difference between Romeo and a stalker is the girl's opinion.

How true is that? (Can you say "Edward"?)

Fickle, fickle women... *shaking head*

I determined to remember this insight. In fact, I called it a law and spread its wisdom. I have pulled this law out time and again over the years because it is just so true and explains so much. I told a whole lot of friends about it for a few years after I first heard it. Then about 6.5 years ago, I was telling one of those friends that I was engaged.

Suddenly, I saw realization dawn on their face.
"You're marrying M? Like THE M? The M of M's Law?!?!?"

So you see, I created a celebrity and then I married him to mooch off his fame.

Garbage Collection - The Highlight of Our Week

Every Wednesday when we hear the garbage truck, I have to unlock the front door so the kids can go watch the trash collection. The sanitation workers are very friendly. There's lots of smiles and waving and it's all rather cute. We've become friendly enough with our garbage men that now they place my trash barrel neatly in my driveway for me because they know I'm home and I'll be bringing it in presently.

A little while ago, Claire decided to dress up for the occasion.


Take note. Apparently what to wear this season for sanitation spectatorship is an upside down vest with a Noah's ark applique and a corduroy newsboy cap. The must-have accessories are a magna-doodle hanging from your pocket and a smug arms-folded stance.

So what's worse, her clothing choice or the fact that we own a corduroy newsboy cap (that I used to actually wear in junior high and high school) and a Noah's ark vest? Gotta love the total confidence of children and their strange clothing choices. Good thing she wore this standing out in the front yard for the whole neighborhood to see. At least now no one in the neighborhood suspects us of being real life GAP models or anything. Because I'm pretty sure there was a serious danger of that before ;)