Chess Is Too Stressful

Dear Claire's 1st Grade Teacher for the Coming Year,

I think the "All About Me" sheet you gave us to bring the first day of school is a great idea.  I'm sorry that I ripped off the little note stapled to the front before Claire could see it.  You see, I didn't want to write all her answers for her.  I mean, yes, I'm busy and wanted one less thing to do.  But it was more than that.  I knew Claire could do it, but if she saw your note saying that she wasn't expected to be able to and that I could write her answers for her, then she would whine for me to do it.  Sometimes Claire cares more about "making the grade" than she does about personal accomplishment.  Sometimes she wants to do things perfectly more than she wants to challenge herself and make herself grow.  Come to think of it, she's a lot like her mom...

Anyway, here's the thing.  You know the entry where the sheet says, "My favorite sport or game:"? Please remember that Claire was filling this sheet out all by herself when she wrote, "soccer and chess."  Chess!  HA!!!  I know what you're probably thinking, but I'm not one of THOSE parents.  You know which ones I'm talking about.  I did not show her chess flashcards when she was 16 months old.  I don't even like chess.  (M does, so if you have to blame someone, it's probably him!)  She is not enrolled in chess classes on Tuesday afternoons.  In fact, she is on a soccer team.  A nice, normal soccer team.

Do you have any advice on how I explain to her that soccer is fine, but listing chess is a bit much for a 1st grader?  I mean, I'm her own mother and I want to tease her for being nerdy and writing that.  Besides, it's a bit cocky of her.  She's not that good at chess.  She can't even think ahead more than one move!  I can beat her in like 20 minutes.  Her strategy needs A LOT of work.  But I digress...

As we enter this school year, please bear with me.  I am trying very hard to find the balance between advocating for my child and just being obnoxious.  I want to help Claire not be bored, but more than that I want her to be happy.  Not just in the short run, but in the long haul too.  First and foremost, I want her to be a good person.  I want to know what I can do to help you teach her.  I want to further her education, both in academics and in life skills, but at an appropriate level.  Therefore I want to be involved in her schooling.  But I don't want to be THAT mom.  I don't want to call you daily to tell you that my child walks on water and can do no wrong.  I want you to be allowed to give her constructive criticism.  I don't want to whine all the time that you aren't offering her college level curriculum yet.  I don't want to appeal to the principal every other day for more, MORE, MORE!!!

I want to be cool.  I'd like to think that I'm pretty cool.  Totally not all lame and geeky and unable to carry on a normal conversation.  Laid back enough to not be obnoxious, but still a responsible parent.

So please, don't judge me just because my 1st grader listed "chess" as her favorite game.


Sincerely,

G (Claire's very cool and definitely not overly nerdy or pushy mom)

Our Torture Methods

We tried to coerce Claire into reading a new series this summer. I mean, I was tired of just looking at the same "Magic Treehouse" covers over and over again. I don't know how she could stand another second of actually reading about Jack and Annie AGAIN. For those of you familiar with this series, I have some suggestions for future additions to the "Magic Treehouse" books:

Vacant Looks at the Vernal Equinox
Waxing Legs at the Waning Gibbous
Alliterative Altercation Ante Meridiem
Bosons and Bozos at the Big Bang
Really Redundant Repetitive Reading at Recess Redux

Thankfully my friend Janssen just spent a year being a school librarian and she gave us some great ideas.

First Claire tried a couple "A to Z Mysteries." But they got off to a rocky start. The first one she read was called "The Jaguar's Jewel." Ummm... please tell me there are other parents out there who wouldn't be able to resist calling it "The Jaguar's Jewels" and snickering a little every time they said it? No? Well then, good. Because M and I would certainly never do that... We'd just sympathize with the one-jeweled jaguar. Poor guy...

So then we thought we'd get Claire to try the "Time Warp Trio" books. In order to "encourage" Claire, M gave her an assignment. Claire's answers included below:


Claire's Summer Book Reports
Assignment #1 - Time Travel Books

Write a book report that answers the following questions. Write at least one or two sentences about each question. Use specific examples from the book(s). Report may be handwritten or typed.

1. How are the Magic Tree House and Time Warp Trio books alike?

Both books have people who travel in time using books. Both sets of books have the same characters in each book.

2. How are the Magic Tree House and Time Warp Trio books different?

One series has missions and the other just travels wherever because they don't know how to work the book. One has all boys and one has a boy and a girl. One has two people and the other has three.

3. Which series do you like better? Why?

Magic Treehouse because... I don't know.


There you have it then. She can properly use ellipses but still prefers Magic Treehouse books. It boggles the mind.

They Totally Ratted Me Out

A little while ago, we had some people over for dinner. I set the table a tiny bit nicer than usual. When we all sat down to dinner, Claire picked one of the paper napkins up by the corner, held it up in the air in front of everyone at the table and loudly asked, "What is this????"

The cat's out of the bag. I usually forget to put napkins on the table. I'm not sure what my problem is. Growing up, my mom put cloth napkins on the table with every meal. Perhaps I'm just adverse to killing trees and/or doing extra laundry? What about you? Do you have beautiful linens laid out for your bowl of cereal? Or do you keep a nice stack of those tissue-thin paper numbers on the table? Or are you like me and have caught your children wiping their hands on the chair upholstery?

Our Children Will Probably Always Hate Easter

Today I came across this photo and it got me to reminiscing about Easter:

This past year, even Kate got an Easter egg hunt.

Just one egg though. I said egg, not eggs.

We put it just out of reach. Every time she almost got a hold of it, the egg would roll just out of reach again. M and I were evil, cruel parents who sat and watched. And laughed at her.

I refuse to feel guilty. That's what you get when you're 9 months old and still don't know how to crawl.

However. What we did to Claire when she was one month old, I may occasionally feel twinges of guilt about:

But the guilt is hard to notice because I'm laughing so hard.

Fun, But Not Much Elbow Room

"Claire? Scott? Um... I'm not a toy."