But I Wanted to See a DOCTOR!

I'm sure this will offend some of you. I wish I felt bad.

On Wednesday morning, the other guy's insurance called to ask me if I was injured. When I admitted that I had some neck pain, they wanted me to go see a doctor. They said if I went to the doctor they set up I wouldn't pay anything. I knew I was fine, but I agreed. I mean, it seemed like it might be a good idea to see a doctor in case I was oblivious to some serious injury I had sustained. My mind was swirling with conflict of interest issues, but whatever.

All might have been well and good had they actually sent me to see a doctor. When I got to the address they gave me, there was no doctor to be found. Only a jeans and t-shirt clad, gum chewing, 19-year-old-looking female CHIROPRACTOR!!!

There's Nothing Like the Stench of Airbag Propellant in the Morning

Just to get it out of the way right off the bat, here's a preemptive, "We're all okay."

Claire, Scott, and I were driving to take Claire to preschool yesterday morning on a fairly big road. Another car pulled out in front of us to turn left from a cross street onto the opposite direction of the road we were on. Are you still with me? Ooh, let me go over the top and provide a diagram (complete with color accurate ovals that totally look like cars, right?):


I saw the look on the other guy's face when he realized he'd pulled out in front of me. It can probably be summed up as, "Oh, CRAP!" Everything happened so fast, but I could almost swear the other guy braked and stopped in front of me instead of gunning it to get past me. I wonder if I would have had my wits about me enough to step on it if the roles were reversed. I think so. On the other hand, I'm not an old man, so I probably wouldn't have gotten myself into that fix to begin with, pulling out in front of cars going 45 mph and what have you. I guess he just didn't see me. One could argue that's what I get for having an asphalt colored car...

Anyway, needless to say, I slammed on my brakes and tried to steer to the right to clear the other car, but it was not to be. I suppose I had a lot of faith in the safety of my car because the main thought in my mind just before impact wasn't "I hope we don't get hurt." It was, "You have GOT to be kidding me. I do NOT need this today. I have SO MUCH TO DO!!!" The airbag deployed and I got to sit in a cloud of air bag powder. Several people stopped to help and they called 911 before I even collected myself and got out of my car. Claire was pretty freaked out. She was crying and kept asking me, "Why did we get in a car crash?" Then she kept asking me how we were going to fix the broken car. I kept trying to explain and tell her that all that mattered was that we were all okay. But eventually she was only upset about missing preschool. Once M showed up, we were able to get her there for the tail end of it due to a very generous friend who drove her home afterwards. Scott was totally oblivious to everything except the fact that there was a fire engine and ambulance there. He just kept pointing and saying, "Woo woo!" which is his rendition of siren noise. I love Scott: Mr. Mellow. The other driver complained of neck and chest pain and was taken away in the ambulance. I hope he's okay, I haven't heard an update yet.

Anyway, talked to the EMTs, police, witnesses, etc. So on and so forth. All while trying to keep Scott from wandering out into the road, so I was pretty distracted and in retrospect I wish I had gotten more info about the other driver. Since he never got out of his car, I don't even know his name. And could I be any more of a dumb broad for not even taking note of what kind of car he was driving? I'm disgusted with myself. In the end, I had to have my newly beloved minivan towed because it was totally undrivable. And the cops said we need to get new car seats now. I hope the insurance covers them. We don't know the full extent of the damages yet. Keep your fingers crossed...

Other than being stuck at home with no car (I sense a lot of blogging in the near future!) and accompanying car repair hassles, the only lasting effects today are the fact that I'm sore and Claire keeps pestering me with questions. For me, yesterday was all about torso achiness and stiffness. Today is all about a horribly sore neck and a tender seat belt bruise. This is one of the few times in my life I've allowed myself to take ibuprofen. Claire keeps bringing up the accident even though I'd rather forget about it. Mostly it touches a nerve when she tells me that I didn't see the other car and we got in an accident. No, I saw the other car. Apparently he didn't see me. I know she doesn't mean it this way, but it infuriates me that she's trying to lay any of the blame on me. Even the cops basically said I did everything right. Just before he left, one of them told me that "my evasive action" kept this from being "a lot worse." That made me feel so much better. Yah, basically, I rock. And ache. Ugh. Fortunately I've been taking comfort in a half batch of Texas sheet cake. (How am I not overweight???)

Thanksgiving Dinner - No Oven Required

Our last Thanksgiving guest left today. We had guests here for just a few hours short of a full week. So although I'm relieved in a way that it's over, I must say it was a FABULOUS week.

I know part of it was that we didn't have to go anywhere; we got to be at our own house. (Emphasis on the word house.) I know part of it is that my in-laws and my husband's best friend from college are such wonderful, fun people. I know part of it was that I had my sister-in-law who actually enjoys little kids around to help me teach preschool and wear paper pilgrim hats with me on Tuesday. I know part of it was doing fun things like going to downtown Austin, taking family photos, and making a pilgrimage to Fry's. But if I'm really honest with myself, it was mostly because the food was so good.

I mean, we got to choose the menu, not just for Thanksgiving itself, but for the whole Thanksgiving weekend. More importantly, for once we had enough people coming to warrant LOTS of food, and something more than a starving student income (or lack thereof) to fund it. There was much excellent gorging. Let me elaborate.

DINNER BEFORE THANKSGIVING:
- Rudy's BBQ!!!

THANKSGIVING BREAKFAST:
-Ralphie's fabulous buttermilk pancakes, some with chocolate chips, served with regular and blueberry pomegranate syrup
- scrambled eggs with cheese

THANKSGIVING DINNER:
- grilled steak
Who am I kidding? This bullet point deserves it's own paragraph:
We got these awesome New York Strips from Costco that must have been over 2 inches thick. M and his brother grilled these suckers on our gas grill in the backyard (Remember the only nice thing in our back yard?) Herein lies the genius of it all. No dried out turkey from the oven. No gravy (that I'm still intimidated at the thought of making - it's so American). No thawing bird in the fridge for an indeterminate amount of time. No dead carcass I have to fondle and manipulate into a roasting pan. NO GIBLETS! Just delicious boneless, thick, juicy, delicious, red meat. You know it's good when you even don't mind eating the fat. As M's dad put it, I love being an omnivore.
-sourdough garlic bread (warmed on the grill)
-mashed sweet potatoes (These were made in a pot and were the only thing I actually had to start more than about half an hour before we wanted to eat. Once started they could keep cooking longer, so they weren't an exact science.)
- green peas (microwaved from frozen!)
- stuffing (I don't really like stuffing that much, but M does. But he likes Stovetop. Cliche, but easy and ovenless. I actually got my mother-in-law to do this.)
- homemade cranberry relish (I made this the night before. It has pineapple, oranges, and lemons and it actually tastes better if you give them all time to "mesh.")

BEVERAGE OF CHOICE:
- schorle (This is something my family picked up in Germany. Sparkling water combined with fruit juice.)

SNACKS:
- chips with salsa and guacamole
- petite quiche
- brie and sourdough bread (It's just not a holiday for my family without brie.)

DESSERTS:
On Thanksgiving
- 1 Sugar free pumpkin pie for M and his dad and 1 regular pumpkin pie, plus Reddi-Whip (I'm way too lazy and we go through way too little whipped cream to do it any other way)
- 2 apple pies from my mom's famous recipe
(NOTE: The pies were also made the day before. Also, extra pie was important so that we could have my family's traditional "pie and eggs" breakfast the next morning)
Other Desserts
- ice cream (sugar free for M and his dad and both Cookies and Cream and Intensely Chocolate for the rest of us) with dark chocolate syrup
- dark chocolate shortbread (sugar free for M and his dad - I even sprung for better cocoa, so it was extra tasty)
- the most sinfully wonderful chocolate truffles ever (You know, the soft kind rolled in cocoa that feel like a little bite of obesity? We bought a double pack at Costco, so we only got a fourth of the way through them. Look out Christmas guests...)
Are we noticing a theme here? Yes, I love chocolate.

I think I've made reference before to the fact that I probably have an unhealthy perspective on food. This doting discussion of our menu may confirm it in your eyes. All I know is that if an unhealthy perspective on food can make a week this great, bring it on!

Oh yah, and as a crowning glory to it all, I managed to send my in-laws home with their Christmas presents (beautifully wrapped with homemade tags and everything, if I do say so myself). I won't have to ship them!

Could I be on any more of a "homemaker power trip"?

I Am Thankful for Sesame Street!

Part 3 in the continuing series about why I love Sesame Street

Scott's Trying to Upgrade to Aggravated Assault

I thought it was bad when Scott was throwing fabric fish at people in the pew behind us at church. Well, now he's upgraded to throwing train cars. Fortunately, the woman who was behind us isn't planning to press charges.

I wish we could stick with softer toys, but we've tried everything. The only way we can stay in any meaningful portion of our church meetings is if we bring not one, but two trains cars for Scott. He insists on one for each hand. Hey, at least they're quiet, right? Things usually go well as long as we don't prevent him from driving them over EVERY surface in a 10 foot radius and as long as he doesn't get the cars turned around so the magnets on the end repel instead of attract each other. Otherwise, the "choo"s start flying...

We All Need More Sesame Street in Our Lives

Part 2 in the continuing series about why I love Sesame Street

Ralphie posted one of her favorite Sesame Street guest celebrity appearances (James Taylor, so fabulous) and got me in the mood to wallow in Sesame Street adoration.

Let a little R.E.M. put a smile on your face.



Does it get much better than Michael Stipe moshing with muppets?

Just Routine Me to Death

UPDATE - I realized while talking to M tonight that I forgot the MOST annoying part of Claire's bizzare ritual. I have remedied the situation below.

-------------------------------

Claire is addicted to routine. Scary addicted. I will highlight one of her current annoying obsessions. Every time I put her in her bed for quiet-time-that-sometimes-turns-into-nap-time (Hallelujah!), we have to:

1. Read a book
2. Give Claire the option to go potty one last time
3. Hold her a specific way and sing the same obscure church hymn every time
4. Give Claire a certain cup with a few sips of water
5. Before she can accept the cup of water, Claire must place the back of her right hand on her forehead and her left hand on her bedpost and recite the same nearly unintelligible quote from Toy Story that goes something like this, "Gah! How am I going to convince those guys it was an accident..." Then she forces a completely fake laugh, every single time. From there it trails off into garbled sounds that I think, at least back when this all started, were names including "Buzz."
...

I won't bore you with the endless list of steps from there. (And this is only nap time, imagine the added complexities of bedtime!) #5 is the point. What is that?!?!? If I try to give her the cup before she's done, she will try to balance the cup in her lap so both hands are free for this ritual. It's a shame that my child is such a weirdo. Do other (non-Rain Man) kids do this?

--------------------------------

By the way, in case any of you were running out to buy Juicy Juice's Harvest Mystery or Autumn Conundrum or whatever it is, DON'T GET THE ORANGE MANGO FLAVOR! We liked the Tropical flavor, but yesterday we cracked open the orange mango flavor. When I first tasted it, I actually thought it had gone bad. Now don't get me wrong, I love fresh mangoes, but you know how they do kind of have a "peaches dipped in kerosene" like quality? Well, multiply that by about 20 and then let it get so ripe it goes bad and that's what this stuff tastes like to me. Claire likes it, so I'm generously saving it all for her.

No Flower Pots in the Middle Required

I finally made Janssen's Chocolate Banana Pound Cake. Blissful.

In case anyone else out there is without the ability to make a bunt ("A bunt." "A bunt?" "A bunt." - I love My Big Fat Greek Wedding) because their bunt pan is in an attic in California - or something else like that, I can tell you it turns out rather well as 2 loaves. I just had to cook it about 5-10 minutes longer than the recipe says.

I already indulged in breakfast dessert and lunch dessert, so now I must stop blogging to go have afternoon snack dessert.

Why I STILL Love Sesame Street

Happiness is when skits like this come on Sesame Street. The whole point of letting my kids watch TV is so I can get stuff done, but stuff like this just sucks me in.



Sesame Street gets some of the best celebrity guests! Who else can get people like James Blunt to parody their own songs? I love this the way only a geeky parent can. I mean, they sang hypotenuse!!! The sad thing is that this particular video doesn't include the part afterwards where Telly talks about Euclidean love stories. Man, them's the goods.

I will always have a special place in my heart for Sesame Street. Among other reasons, I watched it until I was much older than it's designed for because my grandma sent tapes of it for my little sister while we lived in Japan. Anything in English held great allure...

Backyard Dreams

Right now, our backyard looks like this:

Except nix the patio furniture, it belonged to the previous owner. Instead add more brown to the grass, 2 plastic patio chairs, a couple dying potted plants, and a gas grill (at least the gas grill is nice!).

This is the almost final draft of the plan my sister is doing for our backyard:

If you need help interpreting:
- WF = water feature
- There's a shed and garden in the back right corner, and an "open use" area for whatever (sand box, hammock, play equipment, hot tub, stuff that will "grow" with our family) and a 2nd sitting area in the back left
- To the left of the patio and to the right and up from the 2nd sitting area are 2 woodland garden areas
- The pokey trees are evergreens and the rest are deciduous.
- The only big change to this will be that the tree above the deck will be gone

Oh, how my sister rocks. She'll bring the big, detailed, final one at Christmas. I'm so excited. You like? I can't wait to "dig in."

Scott's Stash

I guess this is what I get for leaving Scott's high chair too close to the window. We had guests over, so we had moved it from it's usual position in the middle of our tiled combination family room dining room. The middle of the room is good because it's far far away from any walls. You should have seen the state of the wall in our old apartment that had the misfortune of being next to Scott's high chair. Just think culinary Jackson Pollock. No wonder we still haven't switched him from a high chair to a booster. After the visitors left, we were lazy about moving his high chair back to it's correct position, so I suppose we deserved this.

Maybe he was hoping to save a little hot dog for later as a snack.
Scott, I promise I feed you regularly. Even if hot dogs and candy aren't always on the menu, there's no need to horde.

Internet Munchies

Do you ever get the internet munchies? That's what M and I call them. You know, where you don't actually have anything you need to do online, but you're itching to get online anyway. Thank goodness for Google Reader, it keeps me from making up stuff to do online. When I get this feeling, it's totally the cyberspace equivalent of snacking. You're not really hungry, you just have the munchies.

Top This!

So I know I probably hyped this post a little too much yesterday, but I can't stop laughing about this story 10 years later. It makes me SO glad I'm not single anymore. For no apparent reason, let me tell you a little story about the WORST date ever.

When I was a junior in high school, my best friend's boyfriend's best friend (are you still with me?) asked me to go to his senior prom with him. Okay, we better start using some names or this could get out of hand. My best friend was Amanda. We'll call her boyfriend Brad* and his best friend John*. Now right off the bat, it's never fun to go on a double date where you're part of a couple that has basically just met and the other couple are all over each other. Plus, my best friend was basically going to be the only person I knew there since I didn't have a lot of friends in the year older than me. Plus, I was still a little sore about the fact that before Amanda and Brad starting going out, Brad had asked me out. We had all gone to a concert together and apparently I peaked his interest. He asked Amanda for my number. At the time, I was out of town on a family vacation. When I got back into town, we went out on a date, but totally didn't click. Well, later I found out that the whole time I was gone, Brad kept talking on the phone to Amanda. I guess he just couldn't stand the something like week long wait to go out with me, so he decided he was interested in Amanda instead. Whatever, I felt no real loss, especially for a guy with that little patience.

Anyway, I agreed to go to the senior prom with John. I mean, I was happy to be a date for a friend of a friend so that he didn't have to go stag to his senior prom. I'd get to be with my best friend. No big deal, right? HA!

The prom was at a country club about 1.5 hours away. His parents didn't really want him driving home from there at whatever late hour the prom would be over, so they got my parents' permission to do the following. John and I would drive down to the prom. His family would later drive down and get a hotel room. After the prom, he would share a room with his parents and I would share a room with his sister. Then we would all drive home the following morning. Seemed okay to me.

It pretty much all goes downhill from here.

Right before the dance, Amanda and Brad broke up. They wouldn't be going to the prom anymore and it was just me and John. We'd already made plans and I couldn't really back out on this guy, so I plowed ahead.

John came to pick me up. My parents are not sentimental, and certainly not about me going with some random guy to his prom, so I don't even know that we took any pictures. Then he took me to his house where somehow his parents manage to make exchanging a boutonniere and corsage and taking photos last AN HOUR!!! I barely even knew this guy, why did they want so many photos?

Finally, we were off. The car ride was passable. His A/C wasn't good enough, so I was sweaty most of the way, but other than that, fine. The dance was fairly uneventful. Painfully boring, but compared to what was ahead, boring was great! Other than having to hang out with some of his nerdy friends (think about how bad they must have been, I'm calling them nerds!), the only remarkable thing about the dance is that every time I had to slow dance with him, he stood so far away it was almost impossible to dance with him. I'm mean, I'm all about propriety, but this was just plain awkward because he stood really far away but then leaned his upper body in really close. I still can't decide if he was just that awkward or if he was a little too "excited" by our mind-numbingly boring evening together and was paranoid that I might find out.

After the prom, we started driving to the hotel. Just as we were almost at the hotel, he ran a red light and we got in a car crash. A car from the cross-traffic hit the driver's side front fender at what felt like full speed (probably about 35-40 mph on that road, so not too bad). No one was hurt. I suppose for John's sake I will admit the mitigating circumstances. It was late and we were driving on dark unfamiliar streets. (Oh yah, don't forget how "exciting" I apparently might have been.) So there I was. My shoes had been killing me, so I had taken them off and they were fairly complicated to put back on. The night had gotten a little chilly. It must have been about midnight or later. I don't know when I have ever felt more pitiful than I did standing there in the middle of some strange town with a guy I barely knew, barefoot and cold in my prom dress, waiting to give a report to the police. The actual report part was almost comical. It ran something pretty close to this: "He ran a red light. It was all John's fault." Short and sweet cruel.

Finally we got back in the car. John was extremely shaken up. Of course, who could blame him? In addition to a long night and a car accident, he was dreading facing his father whose car he had just wrecked. He asked if we could stop into a Denny's or something for some hot chocolate to give him a little time to collect his thoughts. I agreed since I felt bad for the guy. So we started looking for a restaurant that was open. This was no big town, but he was convinced there was one just around the next corner, and the next, and the next... He succeeded in getting us lost despite having me as a passenger (I have a great sense of direction). And I'm not talking about the "we took a wrong turn" kind of lost. Or the "this road doesn't go where we thought it did." Or "I know where I need to be but you can't get there from here." No, no, I'm talking about full-fledged, totally disoriented, I-don't-know-where-I-am-or-even-an-inkling-of-where-I-want-to-go-
from-here kind of lost. I think this may have been the only time in my life that I have been at all involved in navigating that this has ever happened to me.

Lost as we were, we did find the coast. This at least resembled knowing where we were. ("Look, west!") He suggested we get out of the car and walk for a bit. I'm thinking: Seriously? Well, it might be better than arguing with him more about which way to turn. I laboriously put my shoes back on and to John's credit, he let me wear his coat so I didn't actually get hypothermia. We walked along the coast. It would have been SO romantic in almost any other circumstances. But there was something more important than moonlight and the music of the crashing waves at play here. M penned a little something I like to call "M's Law." (Well, actually I refer to it using his whole first name, but you get the point.)

M's Law:
The only difference between Romeo and a stalker is the girl's opinion.

Suffice it to say, my opinion was leaning toward stalker.

We sat and attempted some "get to know you conversation." It failed miserably. A tip for all of you Johns out there. Do not bring up your obsession with taping UFO shows and watching the VHS over and over again until it wears out on a first date. Don't bring it up on any date, ever. In fact, better yet, just DON'T DO IT AT ALL!!!

Finally, I put my very sore foot down and told John I was cold and exhausted and wanted to go find the hotel. So we got back in the car and wandered around town some more and, of course, once we finally figured out where we were and how to get back to the hotel, we happened upon a Denny's. John was back to near-panic-attack levels now that the encounter with his dad was imminent. He begged for the hot chocolate we'd set out for eons ago, and I was so exhausted I'd lost the will to protest. I didn't wear a watch with my prom dress (it didn't match!) so it wasn't until we got into Denny's that I realized it was 3:30am. I ordered my hot chocolate and listened half-heartedly to John rehash the accident for the 485th time and then fret about facing his dad. I had felt bad for him back at midnight, but at this point I felt like echoing the oh-so-elegant words of Jo Dee Messina (not my usual music genre, but this is too apropos), "My give a damn's busted." I proceeded to actually fall asleep sitting there in the Denny's booth while John droned on. Eventually I roused enough to realize John was informing me that he didn't feel well. All I could think was, There goes my hope of leaving. So we sat there for who knows how long with John moping and feeling ill until he disappeared to the bathroom. He was gone a long time and I sat there half asleep while the truckers, weirdos much creepier than John, and other flora and fauna of a Denny's at that ungodly hour looked on. When John finally returned, he informed me that he had just thrown up. Like I wanted to know...

After that, it's kind of a blur. All I know is that eventually he decided he felt well enough to acquiesce to my demands that we go find the hotel. We finally stumbled up to the hotel rooms after another seemingly interminable wait for the hotel desk clerk. His dad was outside waiting for us. All his dad said was, "Where the h*** have you been?" I'd have probably said the same thing if I was his dad. At this point it was 5:30 in the morning. Fortunately, I think John's father, bless him, had a sixth sense for who was to blame because he ignored me completely and let me stumble pitifully into the hotel room for sleep, blessed sleep while confronting his son. I wonder how long John got chewed out while I blissfully slumbered? Oh well, maybe he made a tape of it and watched the VHS over and over and over again.

I know this was long, but the sheer duration of the ordeal is half the humor. So was my story worth the eye fatigue? If not, sorry. I have been on a lot of bad dates, some others of which would make good stories in and of themselves, but when you've got this story in your repertoire, why bother with anything else? So tell me, what's your worst date experience? I'd love it if someone somewhere someday had a worse story than mine...

* = names have been changed

I'm Working on a Real Doozy

No real post today, I'm too busy penning an epic post for tomorrow. It's gonna be good, if I do say so myself. So rest your eyes so you're ready to go tomorrow!

Feeling the Love

Yesterday was a rough day. I divulge the following in the interest of the punchline, and not because I'm fishing for pity. It's tempting not to write this, but I think most of us have been there so I won't let my pride get in the way.

There was no particularly good reason, but I reached a point yesterday where I was just completely discouraged, fed up, and overwhelmed. I hate to admit it, but I was unable to ward off tears. In theory, the kids were both in their rooms napping and I went into my room to "cry it out." However, I could hear both the kids awake in their rooms (part of the cause for tears). After a while, I was feeling so sad and I couldn't help but think, "As difficult as my children can be, wouldn't it all seem worth it if they felt bad for how sad I was and tried to comfort me?" I became convinced that if someone was just there to give me a hug, everything would be okay. Since Marshall wasn't due home for hours and Scott was confined to his crib, Claire was my only real hope. But who was I kidding? She wouldn't leave her room and come find me.

But then, hark! The sound of little footsteps coming down the hall. Could it be?

Against all odds, Claire enters my room. She slowly and tentatively walks over to my side. Then she says, "Mom! Stop crying I'm trying to sleep."

Daddy... how do they make computers?

Claire asked me this the other day.

How does one answer a question like that? I know what you're thinking, "Ask your [insert other spouses title here]" followed by "I don't know" right?

Neither G nor I have such luxury. I most unfortunately know pretty much everything that goes into making a computer. I suppose at the ore refining/crystal growth level I'm a bit spotty but from that point on my geek to the max education and relentless pursuit of completely irrelevant knowledge pretty much take care of the rest.

Even if the question is not about my particular specialty I probably know more on the subject than my three year old bargained on. "How do cars work?", "Why is the sky blue?", "Why do my hands have germs on them?". I could go on for days about any of these questions if I needed to but I don't really want to and Claire certainly doesn't want to hear anything longer than a Sesame Street skit.

I really do think it's important to give your kids fairly straight and informative answers. I also think it's good to explain how the world around them really works. I also think it's good for your kids not to get beat up every day of second grade because they are a know it all dork.

So what do I do? Give watered down answers? Teach my kid all this cool stuff and then teach them to act stupider than they are around their friends? Just let them get their lunch money stolen at school every day?

I guess at the moment I dont really know. Melty sand it is for now. We'll see when they get a little older.

But the Shoes Will Keep Him From Escaping the Police!

We've been lucky enough to receive a decent amount of hand-me-down clothes for Scott from my parents' next door neighbors. I'm painfully cheap, so this is a very good thing for us. Except when something is stylistically undesirable enough to us that, even for free, we just can't bring ourselves to put Scott in it. You might think I am the fashion whistle blower, but in fact, it's often M who declares we are not dressing his son in that.

Here is an example. Scott inherited a pair of acceptable looking brown boots/shoes. They are slightly marred by having Sesame Street characters on the side, but I was totally willing to live with this. Then we jarred them and discovered that they light up. Now who set out to design these shoes and said, "What we really need is conservative brown leather shoes that you could almost wear to church if it weren't for the fact that we will plaster them with mythical characters and flashing red lights"?

Anyway, when we first got the shoes they were Claire's size, so despite being a little boyish, I let her wear them. M informed me that this was unacceptable. You might think this was a gender issue, but no. It was the lights. I mean, I'm totally with him on the fact that I would never buy shoes like that, but it wouldn't stop me from using FREE shoes. M told me he'd rather spend the money on shoes without lights. Ouch. So despite her protests, we told Claire they were boy shoes and packed them away. (Whatever works...)

Yesterday, Scott found the shoes. Why didn't I give them away yet? He loves pointing at the Sesame Street characters and making almost intelligible noises regarding them. But most of all, he loves banging them on the floor and watching them light up. I'll be downstairs and hear horrible thumping noises upstairs. I'll run up to see what Scott has gotten into only to discover it's just him and the light up shoes. He loves experimenting about what will cause them to light up. Throwing them against the wall? Check. At least for now they're still too big for him, but what will we do once that excuse doesn't work? Maybe we'll just keep letting him play with them in hopes that the batteries will die. What ever happened to those great old school lights and batteries that would die after one day of playing with something? Darn LEDs and lithium batteries. On the other hand, I don't know if my face can survive his experimentation much longer. Last night he tested his hypothesis that banging the shoes on mommy's nose would cause the shoes to light up. It worked. He thought this was hilarious. I had mixed feelings.

And I Thought 52 Card Pick-Up Was Bad!

NaBloPoMo or no, I'm just not gonna post on Sundays. Sorry. I like to spend Sundays resting from my cares, not dredging them up and exaggerating them for the sake of a humorous blog post.

But anyway, yesterday was apparently all about spillage.

First thing in the morning, Claire explored the stack of board games we had foolishly left out from the night before. While I was busily distracted, she took ALL the games out of their boxes. As I tell you about the games pieces I got to sort, it will also serve as a little tour of our game collection. That makes my complaining seem much more legitimate! I got to sort the following sets of cards: Uno, Apples to Apples (green and red cards, mind you), and Mille Bornes. Then there were the Scrabble tiles everywhere. And the Settlers of Cattan land and water hexes with a loose road or two. Don't forget a nice sprinkling of Monopoly money! Fortunately, the Boggle dice were still in their box and I only had to collect the tray and timer. Thank goodness we had put away Trivial Pursuit (the game we had actually played the night before) because those pie pieces can be brutal. So not that this serves as an exhaustive list, but there's a decent sampling of our game holdings. Feel free to scoff or cheer at will.

Then Claire decided to spill a cup full of very orange colored fruit juice all over her shirt, her capris, the table, the floor, and worst of all, my very tired but better than nothing upholstered dining chair. It was actually Juicy Juice's new "Harvest Surprise" in the tropical flavor. It has carrots and sweet potatoes in it, in addition to mango juice and some fairly normal fruit juices. Hence, very orange. Though it tastes pretty good aside from some graininess, I think the name is a little disturbing. I generally prefer my food and drink to come no where near the word "surpise." But I was actually suckered in by this latest marketing gimmick of juice with vegetables in it because Scott really is that bad of an eater. Don't get me started...

Never fear, Claire was not the only one participating in yesterday's spill science experiments. I foolishly left a mostly full spice container of cajun seasoning on the dining room table after making my stew palatable. Apparently I also forgot to close it because Scott picked it up and immediately started dumping it out. I was only maybe 5 yards away, but by the time I got Claire off my lap and dashed over, there wasn't even a dash left in the container. Somehow it must have gotten turned to the "pour" not "shake" opening. There must have been at least a cup of the stuff on the table and floor, if not more. Note: Canjun seasoning does not come out of the cracks in tile well, so if you let your toddler get ahold of it, you'd better enjoy the "creole breeze" scent. I wonder why I've never come across that candle scent??? Ha ha!

How Can You Be BAD at Candyland?!?!?

Note: For everyone who played this game as a child, it's worth knowing that the game has received a few "updates." For example, apparently "Queen Frostine" kicked the bucket and was succeeded by her daughter "Princess Frostine." Also, kids these days are apparently considered too dumb to know what molasses is, so now it's the "Chocolate Swamp." On the up side, the spaces with the dots have been replaced with "Licorice Spaces" that merely involve losing one turn rather than an indefinite wait for a certain color card to be drawn. In this post, I refer not to the version I played as a child (I believe the 1985 edition), but to the I think 2002 edition.

It's finally happened. I beat Claire at Candyland.

We gave Claire Candyland for her birthday back in March. I've played A LOT of Candyland since then. (I'd say we've averaged about a game a week.) But by some strange twist of statistical improbability, as an adult I have never won Candyland until yesterday. I solemnly swear that I do not throw the games out of pity for my child. Once, I did put an interminable game out of it's misery by stacking the deck with "Princess Frostine" and several sets of doubles in Claire's favor, but that was only because she was further ahead of me and represented the fastest path to the game finally ending and me putting Claire down for her quiet time. I was so sick of reshuffling! But most of the time, letting her win on purpose just wouldn't be healthy for her in the long run. No, I really just lose even when "trying my best." (As if that's possible in Candyland...) Apparently, Claire won't gain the full beneficial experience of losing on a regular basis despite my best efforts. Once, I did beat Claire, but I didn't win the game. The neighbor boy won and then Claire always insists we keep playing until everyone gets to the Candy Castle. So I did get there before her... does that count?

I've been telling M for a long time now that I'm bad at Candyland. "How can you be bad at Candyland?" I know, I know. There is NO skill involved. Apparently the fates just hate me. M didn't actually believe me until a couple months ago when we played a game as a family. If normally I'm bad at Candyland, then this time I was abominable. I couldn't seem to get past Grandma Nut in Peanut Acres without drawing a "candy card" and going backwards. This went on for A LONG TIME. He finally believed me that somewhere along the way I must have crossed the Candyland gods and doomed myself to Candyland failure. But no more! The Candyland gods, for once, smiled on me yesterday. I don't know what changed, but maybe this is beginning of a whole new Candyland life for me!

HD-DVD vs Blu-ray... Round 1... Fight

OK,

G has taken the risk of letting me post on this blog. This is good for me because I don't have nearly the quantity or quality of material necessary to sustain my own blog and this gives me a chance to leach off of someone else.

Down to business.

Many of you are probably unaware that a technological war is going on right now. The war is about what kind of discs will be used to display high definition movies. In case you are unaware DVD's just don't have what it takes to produce a "sharp" picture on today's Hi-Def TVs. I assure you that soon, you will realize that your current television and DVD player don't really cut it and will go out and buy one of these new high tech thingies.

There are two main contenders in this fight. Blu-ray (pronounced Blue-Ray) and HD-DVD. They are fairly similar. Blu-ray stores a little more data, HD-DVD is cheaper to make, blah blah blah.

I'm hoping Blu-ray wins for one simple reason.

I don't really want to say HD-DVD. It is five difficult to pronounce syllables and makes me think of a medical disorder more than a cool new toy. Blu-ray rolls of your tongue and sounds like some kind of super weapon or piece of medical equipment. I feel like I should be able to diagnose someone with HD-DVD using a Blu-ray scanner.

Seriously though, when coming up with a trade mark did they not notice that every other acronym longer than your standard TLA (three letter acronym) is pronounceable? Like DARPA or CORBA or COBOL? Why not just add vowels until you can pronounce it like HIDEDIVID (HIgh DEfinition DIgital VIdeo Disk)? Oh wait, I think I know.

So if for some reason Sony or Toshiba calls you in for a focus group, remember, why use five syllables when two would do?

What Could Make This Blog Geekier?

All right, all right. Enough with my doting mom posts already. I'm sure you've had enough of my kids' costumes. Moving forward...

How would y'all feel about M doing some cameo appearances on my blog? He's expressed interest in being a guest writer. I think he'd be fabulous - much more amusing than me - but I fear I might be biased.

My Beauty and My Beast

Here is some photo proof that these costumes were apt choices:

"The Beast" trying to climb up the steps rather than pose for a photo while "Beauty" tries to stop him.

"The Beast" making a break for it out into the parking lot as "Beauty" calls for him to stop. 

(Don't forget M rushing in for the save from stage left.)